


Animal I have become

by SHADOWSQUILL



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad doctor, Blood, Broken Family, Character Death, F/M, Human Doctor (Doctor Who), Intense Emotions, Manipulation, Pain, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 19:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8298425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHADOWSQUILL/pseuds/SHADOWSQUILL
Summary: It was a bad move and yet, she was willing to do it, to know the man behind the monster.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The original idea comes from a roleplay I did with dxctors.queen on Instagram. Most of the story is the work we did together. Only the end of the third part was only written by me.

Rose knew it had been a bad move to be with that man. The Doctor was known for building up a woman’s trust just to tear her down with the next girl. Something about him was so compelling and she couldn’t stop herself. She had to get close to him. She had to know him and to love him as long as she could. That’s how she ended up in his estate as a maid. His most common affair was with his maids because they could never run away from him. One evening, Rose was in the Doctor’s room, tidying up his sheets when she heard him come in. She tried to stay calm. The Doctor was a very intimidating man full of darkness and secrets and all the people living in his estate had learnt it was better to fear him than to provoke him. Rose was one of them but there was something in the Doctor that was intriguing her.

 

“I was just cleaning up, Sir.” _She said to him._

 

The Doctor didn’t answer. He just watched her as she was cleaning up. Rose was the last maid he had taken at his service. He hadn’t needed her at first but there was something about her that was intriguing him. He needed to know more about her and that’s why he had taken her away from her family. He got close to her, so close that their skins were brushing past each others. He still didn’t say a thing but slowly traced her arm with his finger. He then slowly stroked the skin of her neck. She shut her eyes, her breath hitching in her throat. She couldn’t even begin to think about anything but him being so close of her.

 

“Sir?” _She swallowed softly_.

“Shh.” _He said as his hand went under her shirt._ “I know you’ve been waiting for me to do that.” _He kissed her neck, his other hand slowly slidding on her ribs._ “You won’t disappoint me, right?”

 

She groaned softly, instinctively pressing her body to his chest. He had a smile of contentment because of her reaction. Usually the women were too afraid of him to come into his game.

 

“No, sir.”

 

She was reacting exactly like he wanted her to. He kept on kissing her neck as his hands stroked every bit of her delicate and pale skin.

 

“Good girl.”

“This isn’t right...” _She managed to whisper, trembling happily._

“I’m the one telling if something is right or wrong, and this feels very right to me.”

“I…” _She said glancing at him weakly._

“You’ve got something to say, Rose Tyler?” _He asked quietly._

 

He bit her skin, just under her ear. He didn’t like when his apes were protesting. She should obey him and he’d do whatever it took to force her to do as she was told. She shook her head weakly, biting down her lip.

 

“No, sir. I… I have nothing to say, sir.”

“That’s what I thought.”

 

And he made her his, enjoying her lack of resistance. A new victim on his long list, but that one was special. He had to find out why he was so attracted by her. He had to keep her as close as he could.

 

“From now on, you’ll be at my very own service. Night and day. Whenever I’ll need it. And beware of the others, they might get jealous.” _He said as he left the room._

 

Rose slumped on the floor, a mix of terror and admiration making her knees weak. The Doctor was whistling while going to the kitchen. He was happy and hungry. He played with some of his women and ordered them to feed him. That was a good night. Everything was just as he expected it to be. While he was eating and enjoying the presence of his women, Rose went to her room biting her lip. Soon as he finished eating, he went to his basement. He spent most of his time there, working on his medical experiments. He was essentially working on the human brain. All of his women had come there so he could work on them. And now that was Rose’s turn.

 

“Bring me Rose.” _He quietly said to the two women who were with him._

 

The two women nodded and left the basement. They went to Rose’s room and told her the Doctor wanted to see her and that he wouldn’t wait. Rose reluctantly followed them down, nervously biting her lip. The Doctor welcomed her with a smile. She was so obedient.

 

“Good to see you again, Rose. You have now two choices: you cooperate and everything’s gonna be fine, or you don’t and then, it’s gonna be painful. So, what do you choose?”

“I… I’ll be good.” _She replied, swallowing thickly._

“You really are a good girl. I like that.” _He ordered the two women to leave._ “See Rose, I really am a doctor, and I work on the human brain. This thing is fantastic! I take women to work on their brain. It’s way more fascinating than a man’s brain. They stay at my service because I control them with a simple RFID. And you will too.”

 

He led her to an operation table where he asked her to lay down. Rose swallowed and laid down. She was trembling nervously. She didn’t like the situation she was in. She didn’t like the atmosphere of the room, the tone of the Doctor’s voice, his words.

 

“Sir, I… I do not like it.”

 

He placed electrodes on her forehead and on her chest. He was taking all his time, enjoying the contact of her soft skin under his fingers.

 

“Your mom did such an amazing job creating you.” _He murmured as his lips kissed the pale skin of her chest._ “You are a clever girl, Rose Tyler, how come you fell into my trap?” _He asked her quietly, taking a scalpel._

 

She looked up at him. She was clearly afraid of what he was about to do and he was too busy playing with the light on his scalpel to notice it. A nasty smile crossed his lips. She looked at him, weakly struggling to get away from the table, from him.

 

“To get close to you.” _She whispered._ “No matter the monster.”

“You knew what I’ve done and, yet, you’re here.” _He placed a hand on her cheek and forced her to turn her head._ “Don’t move little girl. You promised to be good.”

 

The Doctor created a small cut just behind her right ear, causing her to cry out in pain but he didn’t care. He had a work to do on her and she had to obey. Final point.

 

“Sir… Please.”

 

He carefully put the scalpel out of her reach to be sure she wouldn’t have the bad idea of catching it to harm him. He watched a drop of her very red blood running on her pale skin. He was truly fascinated.

 

“Tell me, why should I spare you? All the women here have that little thing behind their ear. You came here on your own. You should have known.”

 

He took a drop of her blood on his finger. He look at it a few seconds and sucked it. He was waiting for her answer to come.

 

“I’ll do anything you’ll ask.” _She whispered wincing as she moved her head._ “Anything, sir.”

 

He put his hand in a pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a black little devise that looked like a grain of rice. He showed it to her. He decided to tell her a little her story.

 

“I was only six yearls old when my dad took me here and put this little thing into my wrist. Just right here.” _He pointed a little white scar on his wrist._ “He told me that he would forever be able to control me, that I would never be able to run away from him. This little chip sends messages to the nerves and brain. No matter what you’re doing, if the controller of this little thing programs an order, you will obey. My father used me. For ten long years, he forced me to obey him. And when I tried to resist…”

 

He didn’t end his sentence. His look was now lost in the past, lost in the pain of his father’s actions. Rose swallowed and closed her eyes weakly. He was scaring her more and more but she wouldn’t move. She wouldn’t run away.

 

“I can’t make you stop sir, but I will say this to you: this is no way to make up for what happened.”

“He should have known that I was cleverer than him!” _He yelled, suddenly really angry._ “He should have known I would find a way to hack his precious chip! But it took me too much time.”

 

She whimpered weakly, panicking a little. He wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. He was too busy looking into his past.

 

“Sir, I’m begging you…”

“THAT SON OF A BITCH BROKE ME DOWN AND JUST LEFT!”

 

He didn’t even know why he was telling all of that to Rose. She was the only one to ever hear his story. He hadn’t cared about the other women but Rose had something special and he didn’t know what. He put the chip back into his pocket, cleaned her cut with cotton wool and put a band-aid on it.

 

“Go home, Rose Tyler. Run for your life and never come back here.”

 

He was speaking quietly but he was still boiling with rage inside down. Rose carefully sat up. She tried to keep her vocie steady, not to show him she was scared.

 

“I’m yours, sir. I have nowhere else to go.”

“You’re not mine anymore. I’m repudiating you. You’re free. Your mother’s waiting for you. Go back home. Forget everything I’ve told you.”

“You don’t understand, sir.” _She said, shaking her head a little._ “I… I don’t want to go home.”

“I SAID GO HOME!” _He yelled._

 

He violently punched a wall and had a small smile with no joy when he heard the bones crack and felt the pain going from his hand to his shoulder. Rose Tyler was the only one who wanted to stay while she knew everything he had done. He was a monster. He knew it and he accepted it, but she didn’t have to be a witness of his darkness. He would break her as sure as his father had broken him, as sure as he had broken all those women. Rose shook her head weakly, tears falling down her cheeks.

 

“I want to be with you.”

 

He pulled the electrodes off one by one with his left hand. The right was becoming blue and was swelling. He knew it was broken but didn’t care. That was less painful than the memories of his father Rose had unintentionally woken up.

 

“No. No, that’s not what you want. You don’t want to spend your life with me. You don’t want me to put that chip in your head. You don’t want me to control you. You don’t want all of this. You don’t want to be a toy in my collection. You’ve said it: it’s not right. And now, you’re gonna leave. If you don’t, I’ll throw you outside by myself.”

 

She sat up on the edge of the operation table and slowly placed her hand on his cheek. The touch surprised him. No one had ever touched him that way. He stepped back from her.

 

“I want you to be with you because I love your darkness, sir. I know exactly what I was getting myself into.”

“I can’t keep you.” _He whispered._

 

He went away, unable to stay in the same room as her. As he didn’t know where to go – though his estate was enormous – he hit a wall again and again. He needed to feel the pain to stop thinking. When it finally replaced his anger, his hands were covered with his own blood and the right one was definitely broken but he still didn’t care. He went to his personal library and drank an entire bottle of the strongest alcohol he had. He was so drunk after that that he felt asleep in his chair. He spent the night sleeping in his library, far away from Rose, far away from the weird effects she had on him. He didn’t want to be near her anymore. And that night, because of her, he had a nightmare he hadn’t had in a very long time: he dreamt about his father.

In the meantime, Rose swallowed weakly, quietly going and sitting in her room in the maids’ quarter. She curled up and went to sleep, hurt that he wouldn’t see she really wanted him. When she woke up the next morning and went to clean his room, she noticed he hadn’t slept there at all. Actually, he never came out of the library. He spent the whole day waking up from his nightmare and immediately going back to it. He spent the day fighting his own demons No one in that house would find him to see of he was alright after all. Every single person in that estate was hating on him and that was for the best. He could disappear in his darkness and never be saved by anyone. Except Rose did come in the library to find him. She was nervous but had to see him. She found him sleeping in his chair and came closer to him.

 

“Sir?” _She whispered._

 

The Doctor groaned and hardly made a move. He was still in the haze of alcohol, still fighting against a dream he didn’t seem to be able to wake up from. Rose swallowed nervously and shook him gently.

 

“Sir?”

 

He groaned again and slowly opened his eyes. His vision was all blurry. All he could see was a blonde figure but he couldn’t make out the face that was facing him. He had a smile.

 

“Mummy? You came back?”

“Sir, are you alright?” _She asked, frowning deeply._

“Daddy said you were gone. He said that you left me, that you left us. You came back to save me from him?”

“Sir, I… It’s me. It’s Rose.” _She swallowed and gently cupped his cheek._

 

He put his hand on hers, surprised. He blinked a few times. His vision finally became clear. He saw Rose, very close to him. He suddenly moved backwards.

 

“Go away.” _He muttered._

 

She shook her head, refusing to obey him, and slowly brushed her fingers over his cheek. She couldn’t help but touch him. She understood why he had moved backwards. He wasn’t used to a soft touch.

 

“I don’t think you really want to be alone, sir.”

“I don’t want you near me. That’s pretty different than being alone.” _He got up, stumbled but managed to reach the door._ “JONES!” _He yelled, hoping the woman would come quickly. His hand was painful and he needed someone to get Rose away from him. His head was pounding. He drank too much. As he felt dizzy, he went back to his chair._ “I told you to go home, Rose Tyler. Why are you still in my estate?”

“I don’t have a home.” _She said quietly._ “My family died two weeks ago.”

“I don’t care.” _He sighed._

“Sir, you’re all I have left. I came to you because there’s nothing else.”

“And I don’t want you. I have everything I need.” _He looked at the door._ “JONES!” _He yelled again_. “Where is that damn woman-doc when I need her?”

“No, you don’t.” _She said sadly._ “You’ve got yourself and that will never be enough. I’m sorry I could not convince you.”

 

She truly was sorry for him because he didn’t realise how lonely he was. He didn’t realise what she could bring to him. So she slowly started to walk away.

 

“I would never let anyone have power on me anymore, Rose. Be happy, everyone here would want to be in your place.” _He said as the woman he called “Jones” came in and took care of his wounded hands._ “I do that for your own good. And for mine.”

“I can never be happy. You were my last shot.”

 

The Doctor stood up so suddenly that Jones stepped back absolutely terrified about what he was about to do. He went to Rose before she came out and took her chin in his hand. He looked at her straight in the eyes.

 

“Listen to me, there is a lot of people out there just waiting for you to come around. You can’t stay with me. You’d never be happy if I lock you down here and use you like I’m using all those women. You’re not like them and I don’t want to be the one who’ll break you. You understand? I’m a bad guy. A very bad guy. I don’t deserve someone as pure as you around me.”

 

Especially when that woman forced him to remember the things his father had done to him, to remember that his mother had left him with that monster, to remember, though he had tried with all his heart and soul not to become like him, he was just the same.

 

“Run away, Rose. Please.”

 

That was the first time he ever begged someone to do something. The only person he had begged in his entire life was his father and that’s when he learnt that it didn’t work. Jones was looking at him strangely. Rose shook her head quietly. Of course, she would refuse.

 

“I won’t run. I’m not afraid of the man I see in front of me. I’m scared what he’ll be without at least that chance.” _She sighed and turned away._ “I reckon this is the last time you’ll ever hear of me alive, sir.”

 

He let her go, knowing that if something ever happened to her he’d regret it. He went back to his chair and let Jones finish to fix his hands. His thoughts were all about Rose and how he would protect her at all costs. He didn’t even noticed the strange look Jones was giving him. As soon as his hands were fixed, the Doctor went out. He couldn’t stay in his house. He needed to take some fresh air. He just walked here and there, didn’t notice people running away from him. He found himself in the train station. He didn’t even know why he was there. He never took the train. Why would he when he had a car and a driver?

Rose was at the train station, staring blankly at everything. She had tried so hard and lost so much. She couldn’t deal with her pain. She sat at the edge of the tracks and stared down at them. She didn’t know what she was doing. She only knew that she was in a lot of pain. The Doctor looked around. The train station was full of people. He walked among them. A strange feeling clutched his chest. Someone asked a girl to step back from the tracks. He got close as if he had known. His eyes fell on her. He felt his heart fall into his chest and froze. Had she even been serious with her last words? Would she really…?

Rose quietly told the people around her to back off. Her heart was breaking as she was sat there. Finally, she noticed him and her resolve hardened. She slipped down on the tracks to wait. She could hear a train coming. She wouldn’t have to wait much longer. The Doctor saw the train coming and her slipping down on the tracks. He took no time to think. He didn’t have any time to. He came out of the crowd, pushing everyone out of his way, jumped on the rails and caught her. He only had the time to reach the other side of the platform when the train passed right where they were standing a few seconds earlier. He was now laying above her. The move had been so quick, so violent that he hadn’t been able to stay on his feet. He had just caught her and then threw themselves on the platform, protecting her head from the fall but hurting himself in the process.

 

“Why would you do that to me?”

 

Rose was looking at him with wide eyes as tears were pouring down her cheeks. The Doctor let out a gasp as the pain of the shock rushed through his whole body but looked at her in the eyes.

 

“I… I couldn’t let you do that. I don’t even know why I’m here. I just…”

 

He was losing his composure and didn’t like that. Why was he acting so strange around her? People were coming to see if they were fine but he didn’t move though she was trying to move him off.

 

“You don’t want me, so let me go. Let me make the choice that’s been so long in the making.”

“I can’t let you do that, Rose. I…”

 

He couldn’t end his sentence because people were yelling at him. Hands forced him to get up and to stepped away from Rose. He stumbled back and looked at people helping her to get up and asking her if she was alright. The others were looking at him with hate. Two of them were even pointing guns at him. They all knew who he was. Rose pushed away from the crowd, desperate to get right back on that track.

 

“I loved you.” _She managed to whisper, struggling to move forward._

 

The words hit him as if someone had shot him. That wouldn’t be true. No one could love the man he was. He didn’t even know what love was. His mother was the only one who had ever loved him but she left. If she had really loved him, she wouldn’t have left him with his father, right? She would have taken him with her to protect him. He looked at Rose as she was struggling to get back on the track. She’d rather die than being away from him. People were saying she was crazy but were still holding her, protecting her from him, from the danger he represented. He took a step forward her without leaving her eyes, her beautiful brown eyes.

 

“Sir, one more step and I shoot you.”

 

Rose was still struggling against the crowd but they were holding her to tight. The Doctor could see how desperate she was to get where she wanted to be and he didn’t like it.

 

“Let me go!”

“Whatever she’ll do, don’t let her go, okay? Just don’t.” _He said to the people holding her._

He had a bad feeling about what was going to happen and he was right because she suddenly broke free and made a run for it. Forgetting the man’s threat, the Doctor ran to catch her before she got hurt or worse. He had almost grabbed her hand when the first shot resounded. The pain exploded in his thigh as he fell to his knees. A second shot hit him in the chest. He fell onto the cold ground as blood was flowing out of his body. He had a small laugh.

 

“Don’t let the monster come near the delicate girl.” _He whispered for himself._ “Had what I deserved. Don’t let my beautiful pink and yellow girl fade.” _He added, not talking to anyone in particular._

 

The shots resounded to her ears and she turned around to see what was going on. She screamed in panic when she saw him falling and the blood flowing out of his body. She raced to him and craddled him weakly.

 

“N-No. Please.”

 

Rose was begging him. She didn’t want him to die, not that way, not because of her. The Doctor raised a hand covered with his own blood and cupped her cheek.

 

“Looks like you won in the end.” _He managed to say._

 

He was very aware of the blood flowing out of his body. He felt the darkness of the death coming really close to him, enfolding him as life was quickly leaving his body.

 

“It’s better that way. You get to live and the monster I am dies.” _He whispered so low it was hard to know if anyone had heard him._

“If you die, I die too.” _She whimpered softly, shutting her eyes_. “That’s how it works.”

“I don’t want you to die. You don’t have to.”

 

The Doctor was using his last strengths to talk to her. His hand fell down on his chest. He heard sirens. Or was it just his imagination? He couldn’t think of someone calling for an ambulance to save him.

 

“I’m not worth saving. You are. If I had been a good man, I would have been worth your love.”

“The minute your heart stops beating, I jump off that ledge. I… I can’t lose you.” _She said, shaking her head._

 

The Doctor weakly took Rose’s hand and slightly pressed it on his heart. It was still beating but he could feel it slowing down. He was dying. He knew it. He was cold. His eyes were slowly shutting down. He had a small smile.

 

“Rose Tyler…”

 

He couldn’t end his sentence. The emergency services were there. He felt them taking Rose away from him and taking care of his wounds. He felt their hands on his body. They were trying to keep him alive. Someone shouted that they should let him die and everything went black. Rose slumped there, weakly sitting on the edge again.

 

“He’s still alive. He’ll survive if we take him to the hospital. Let’s go now! No time to waste!” _Said a first-aider while everyone was screaming for them to let the Doctor die._

“Please. Save him. Please.” _Rose sobbed weakly, her heart breaking._

 

They asked her to come with them as they rushed to the hospital. They took him to the surgical unit and tried to keep him alive for hours, giving him blood as they removed the bullets and stitched up his wounds. Then, they put him in a room in the intensive care service. Rose was waiting in the waiting room. She was covered with his blood. She was trembling. She didn’t want to stay there. She wanted everything to end.

 

“Are you the woman who came with that man at the train station?” _The surgeon asked her._

“I didn’t come with him. He ruined everything.” _She sniffled._ “He doesn’t care for me.”

“Everyone here knows who he is and what he’s doing but everyone is afraid of him. Did he hurt you in any way?” _Asked the surgeon noticing the band-aid behind her ear._ “You could file a complaint against him. We’d call the police to arrest him.”

“He’s a good man deep down.” _She replied, shaking her head._

“I can’t judge. The only thing I can tell you is he survived to his wounds. He’s still unconscious but we’re optimistic. If he wakes up in the next few hours, he’ll be fine.”

 

Rose almost sighed in relief when she was told the news. She nodded weakly instead and smiled a bit. He was alive. That’s all she wanted.

 

“Can I go see him?”

“Sure. Follow me.” _He said._

 

The surgeon led her to a room in the intensive care service. He tried to warn her about what she was going to see but she wasn’t listening. She just followed him, shaking.

 

“I just need to see him.”

 

The surgeon was curious to know how such a young and beautiful woman got involved with such a man but he didn’t ask. It wasn’t his business.

 

“Call if you need help.”

 

Those were the only words he said before leaving her in front of the Doctor’s room door. Rose came in as soon as the surgeon left and went directly to the Doctor’s side.

 

“Please, live.” _She whispered._

 

The Doctor was just a little boy, four or five years old, running into the darkness of his house. Outside, a storm was raging. Thunder and rain were attacking the town. He was afraid.

 

“Mummy?” _He called out, looking for his mother to come and comfort him._ “Mummy?”

 

He found her in the kitchen. She grounded gently because he wasn’t sleeping yet and then hugged him, whispering in his ear not to be afraid, that the storm would go, that she would always protect him. The memory made the old him smile in his coma. Meanwhile, Rose was gripping his hand and tears were running down her face. She didn’t understand while he was smiling and just assumed he was having a good dream.

They were hugging and the boy he was couldn’t feel more loved and protected. He clung onto his mother when he heard his father. Soon he got separated from her. His father was furious for some reason. He yelled at him and raised his hand but his mother didn’t let him hit her son. The little boy stayed there, watching his father beat his mother to death. When he tried to do something, his father caught his throat and pressed it. The Doctor’s heart started to race and his breathe became laborious. The memory was interfering with his present life. Rose whimpered, gently kissing his knuckles.

 

“Please…”

 

Everything went so fast after that scene that he wasn’t able to say what had really happened that night. He remembered his mother knocking his father out, taking his hand and both of them running under the rain. The thunder. A thunderbolt. A scream. His father bringing him back home. Locking him in the basement. Him hitting the door to go out.

 

“Please, daddy, please!”

 

Another voice was joining his. A woman voice. When he figured out it who it was, everything faded away and the Doctor found himself in a room totally white.

 

“Rose?”

 

He knew that was her voice but he couldn’t see her. Where was she? Why was he hearing her voice? He needed to see her, to see if he had really saved her, but he didn’t manage to wake up and Rose, sat next to him, shut her eyes, letting the tears fall on her cheeks.

 

“Please, come back to me, my love.”

 

He heard her voice again. He heard the sadness in it. He could almost see the tears falling down on her cheeks and crashing down on his skin.

 

“I’m not your…” _He started._

 

Then, he remembered. The shots. Someone tried to kill him as he was trying to save her. Why would he do such a thing if he didn’t actually like her? He tried his best to get back to her. He followed her voice. The white room faded away and he slowly opened his eyes. Rose was sobbing softly, her head resting on his chest.

 

“I can’t do this without you. I’m yours.”

 

He groaned. The pain was overwhelming his body and the light was burning his eyes. He weakly raised his hand and brushed Rose’s cheek to wipe away her tears.

 

“I’m glad I saved you.” _He mumbled in a hoarse voice._

“S-sir?” _She stuttered, looking up at him._

 

The Doctor had a small smile and closed his eyes to protect them from the burning light. His thumb was slowly stroking her cheek.

 

“Thank you.” _He whispered._

 

He wanted to say more but he couldn’t. His throat was dry and painful but that was nothing compared to the burning pain in his chest ans in his thigh. Rose smiled sadly, leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. The initiative surprised him so much that he didn’t react. The kiss was soft and pleasurable. No one ever kissed him that way.

 

“I love you, sir.” _She whispered, lightly stroking his cheek._ “I will always be yours.”

 

Once again, the words hit him. He wasn’t a loveable man. He was a monster. And yet, she came there with him. She waited for him to wake up. She stayed with him no matter what he had done. She said she would die if he didn’t  survive. How was it possible that such a wonderful woman loved a man like him? “How…?” was the only thing he could ask.

 

“I see the man behind the beast.” _She said quietly._ “And I love the beast even without the man.”

 

He opened his eyes and looked at her. She was honest. No sign of lies in her eyes. She truly loved him and he couldn’t understand how that could be possible.

 

“But… I never…”

 

And then, he remembered he had told her a part of his story. He had never forced her to have the little chip behind her ear. He had never wanted to use her. When he had met her, he had known she was special. He had let her into his life. He had allowed her to have some power on him. Maybe she was the one that would save him from his own darkness. All he wanted when he had been shot was to protect her. Was that some kind of love? She made him feel vulnerable and it hadn’t happened in a very long time. He took her hand in his. He really didn’t know what to do. A strange feeling appeared in his stomach and a single tear fell down on his cheek.

 

“And… And don’t think you have to change. Be the man you’ve always been and I’ll be happy.”

 

That was the last straw. He couldn’t bear more kindness from that amazing woman who reminded him so much of his lost mother. He held her hand tighter and broke down, tears falling down his cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh.” _She replied, rubbing his hand gently._

 

He didn’t say anything more. He just cried out all the tears he had held back for too long now. Rose kissed his head gently. He let her do. In his situation, he wasn’t able to do much so he left it up to her. He gave her the chance she wanted. He allowed her to take care of him.

 

“You were right.” _He said quietly._ “Myself isn’t enough. I need someone else.” _He hesitated._ “And you might be the one I need. You might be the one who can and want to take care of a monster.”

“I’m going to take care of you.” _She promised, smiling sadly._

“Be there when I’ll wake up.” _He asked with a small smile._

 

It sounded too much like an order to him and he didn’t like it. He couldn’t talk to her thay way. He didn’t want to treat her like he treated the other women.

 

“Please.” _He added as he slowly fell asleep._

 

Rose smiled at the effort he was making to be nice to her and gently squeezed his hand to reassure him. She whispered quietly to him.

 

“As you wish, sir.”

 

The Doctor slept for hours, forgetting his nightmares about his father. He only dreamt about the life he wanted to have with Rose. A beautiful life. All he had ever wished for when his father controlled him. But inside down, he felt like he didn’t deserve that life, that he had been too awful to people to be happy now. He was a broken man. He now knew it and needed someone to fix him. In his sleep, he kept Rose’s hand in his. If she gave up on him, he would probably ask someone to shoot him a third time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saving her from the danger was the first step, but when he's the one threatening her life, everything changed.

Rose slowly dozed off, never leaving his side. When the Doctor woke up again, the sun was rising. There wan’t much light in the room. He felt so much better than earlier. He had been in a haze because of the pain, the medicine and the fatigue. He wasn’t sure if the talk with Rose was true but when he saw her sleeping right next to him in a position that couldn’t be comfy, still holding his hand, he knew it had been real.

 

“My beautiful pink and yellow girl.” _He whispered._

 

He made a move to kiss her softly and almost cried out in pain when he felt the burn in his chest coming back but just winced, not wanting to wake her up. She needed to sleep. He tried to place her in a better position, but just managed to rip the stitches of his chest out. The move slowly woke up Rose.

 

“Sir?”

 

The Doctor cursed himself under his breath and tore all the stupid electrodes the doctors had put on his chest off. He sat. He wanted to go back home. Nothing could force him to stay there. Except for the wound in his chest that was bleeding again. Rose panicked and called in nurses to help fix it. She couldn’t lose him after all that effort. The Doctor groaned as the nurses forced him to lay back down again. He didn’t want to obey them. The monster in him chose to be back.

 

“Fuck this shit! I’m a Doctor and I do suture better than all those incompetent people!”

“Sir, please, let them help you.” _Rose whimpered softly._

 

He turned his head to look at her. When he saw the fear on her face, he sighed and laid back down, mumbling. It was very unusual of him to act so obediently.

 

“You heard my girl: get this right. And I wanna go home right after. I don’t care what you’re thinking. I have my own doctor. She’ll keep me alive better than you all.”

 

He wasn’t talking about Rose but about Jones. However, Rose took it for herself since she had promised to take care of him and smiled weakly, her eyes closed.

 

“I suppose I shall do my best, sir.”

 

The nurse who was suturing his wound protested, saying he would need some reeducation for his wounded leg. He winced because she hadn’t anesthetised the bleeding wound.

 

“I’m pretty sure you will treat me better than all those stupid people. Ouch!”

 

The nurse apologized quickly but he noticed she didn’t mean a word of what she was saying. Of course, they knew him. It was all fun to see the monster in pain for once. The nurse did it on purpose. No doubt on that. Rose sighed and gently squeezed his hand.

 

“If you were nice, they wouldn’t hurt you. Leave the darkness for at home.”

“They didn’t drug me enough for me to be a nice guy. Ouch! Do that once again and I’ll break your hand. Is that clear?” _He threatened the nurse who didn’t seem to care._

“Shh.” _Said Rose swallowing and squeezing his hand._

“Don’t ‘shh’ me. She’s doing it on purpose.”

 

If it hadn’t been for Rose, he would have smashed that damn woman against the wall. But he was controlling himself, just for Rose. Finally, he had given her power on him and pretty much didn’t like it.

 

“The big bad boy is actually a whiner.” _Mocked the nurse._

“How dare you?” _Replied the Doctor, boiling with rage._

 

His voice was quiet and that was the most frightening thing because inside down, he was about to kill her. Rose could sense that rage inside of him and bit down her lip.

 

“Sir, I’m begging you to calm down.”

 

When the nurse finished suturing him, he caught her wrist and held it really tight. He asked her colleague to take care of the bandage. The other one would never touch him again.

 

“You don’t touch me anymore.”

“Little whiner is afraid? Guess what? I’m not getting into your game.”

 

He gripped her wrist tighter. That woman was reckless. She was playing with fire. She couldn’t win against him. He would crash her. He would ruin her life. Rose was looking at him sadly and hugging herself.

 

“You are dead.” _He whispered angrily._

“I’m not the one you should be afraid of. This girl was a victim of yours before working here. And she hates you more than I do. I didn’t see anything.”

 

The nurse had taken him by surprise. He looked down at the girl who had done his bandage. He saw the scar behind her ear. And the empty syringe in her hand. She hadn’t given him a sedative. It was something else.

 

“What have you done you poor creature?”

“Please…” _Begged Rose who was panicking._ “Don’t hurt him. I’m begging you.”

 

The old nurse looked at the Doctor as his grip slowly loosened on her wrist. He had no choice but to let her go. His hand fell back on the bed.

 

“You know what he did to her? You know that he used her in his house? That he raped her? And when she tried to protest, he just cut her tongue. You should run away while you can, girl.”

 

The Doctor looked at Rose in terror. That was a feeling he hadn’t felt for a very long time. Something wasn’t right. Whatever was in his blood, if it reached his brain, it would be over.

 

“I-I didn’t…” _He tried to say._

“I love him.” _Insisted Rose._ “And if you don’t fix him right now, I will make sure you’ll never hear the end of it.”

“No one can love that.” _Said the nurse with scorn._ “Open your eyes. He’s using you. He can make you do anything with his chip.”

 

The nurse looked down at the Doctor who was struggling against the poison spreading in his veins. He wanted to yell, to kill that damn woman, to cut her throat and watch her bleed out. But he couldn’t do anything. Not even speak.

 

“He won’t die. But he will never be the same. When the fluid will reach his brain, he’ll be powerless, dependent, at the mercy of anyone. He won’t be able to move, to speak or anything. He will just watch. And that will just be an incident. Is there any better way to get revenge?”

“How cruel can you be?” _Rose whimpered sadly._ “He was starting to change and you ruined it!”

“Change? That guy could never change! He’s just the same as his father!”

 

The words he never wanted to hear. He had tried so hard not to become like him and he became even worse. He looked at Rose to tell her how much terrified and sorry he was. He had only enemies out there. And they had won. The old nurse had no regrets. The young one was looking at him, hesitant. She hated him for sure but she obviously was wondering if he deserved such a treatment.

 

“He was the best man in the world. And you’ve ruined him.” _Rose looked at the two nurses, hurt._ “How would you like to know your actions have led to death?”

 

He didn’t feel Rose’s hand in his anymore. He could barely move a finger. He could feel his heart, racing as he was panicking. He didn’t want to leave that way. Not again. Those women didn’t know what they were doing. He had never killed anyone and hadn’t even touched that girl. It was his father. But he had been a witness and had done nothing to help her. His father had him under control. He hadn’t been able to do anything. He tried to make the young nurse notice his little scar, to make her understand that he had never helped her because his father hadn’t allowed him to. A single tear ran down his cheek as he felt his end coming.

 

“He’s just like us.” _Rose whispered, moving to leave._ “He was controlled and hurt and you let it get to you.”

 

He was internally screaming for her to stay. He couldn’t watch her leave. He couldn’t stay alone forever in that room. The young nurse took his wrist in her hand and stroked his scar with her finger. She looked at him in the eyes. She was sorry for him but she now understood. It had been so hard for him to watch his father act like a psychopath without being able to move because he had ordered him not to.

Rose ran from the room, tears pouring down her cheeks. The Doctor felt his heart fall into his burning chest as Rose left the room, totally devastated. He knew she would put herself in danger now that he was on the edge of being stuck in that bed forever and he couldn’t let that happen. He tried to scream, to move, to do anything to bring her back but only a little sound came out of his mouth. The old nurse went away and the young one was still looking at his scar. She suddenly ran away and came back with another needle. He was afraid for his life when she put that new fluid in his drip. What was she doing to him? He felt relieved when the poison went away from his body before his brain was touched. Now, he had to find Rose. He wasn’t able to walk, nor to run after her. He had to go though. He started getting up, groaning because of the pain but not taking care of it.

The nurses, the doctors and the pain all tried to stop him. But he was only listening to his instinct. He had to find her. He stole a car on the parking and started to look for her before she hurt herself. He drove around, wondering where she could have gone. He supposed not so far, but who knew? He stopped the car next to a park to think. He hated feeling so lost. That made him angry. He punched the wheel and almost had a heart attack when he heard the klaxon. Someone suddenly threw him out of the car and tried to hit him. The Doctor just ran away as fast as he could instead of killing those bastards throwing him rocks. He was running, forgetting the pain in his leg and in his chest. The guys were following him, yelling insults and throwing rocks. One of those rocks hit his head and he tripped. He brutally fell to the ground. The pain paralysed him for a while.

In the meantime, Rose was quietly running down the streets and wasn’t paying a drop of attention to anything. She ended up slumping in the middle of a park. She was shaking and felt desperate. She had managed to get the Doctor know about her feelings. She had managed to get him close to her. She was almost sure he was feeling something for her. After all, he almost died for her. But now, they had destroyed him for a stupid revenge. She sat there, on a bench, losing all her emotions when she thought about her troubles. She curled up her knees to her chest, bitterly ignoring everyone. She bursted into tears, sitting alone. She didn’t notice what was going on almost at her feet.

 

“The monster’s finally in town. Looks like someone already beat you up.”

 

“Please” was the only thing he could whisper. He only wanted to find Rose, ignoring she was crying just a few steps from him, and get back to his estate. Too many people wanted his death out there. Rose glanced up when she heard the struggle. One of the guys put his feet on the Doctor’s wounded thigh. He cried out in pain. Another guy said something about a blonde girl he wanted to have fun with. The Doctor’s heart skipped a beat when he thought they were maybe talking about Rose but that was over for him. He was giving up. Someone kicked him in the ribs, leaving him breathless.

 

“Please.” _He said again._

 

Rose slowly got up, stumbling forward. She shoved everyone away and her heart hurt when she saw they were beating her Doctor up. He wasn’t even trying to fight back. He knew he had no chance in that situation. He was just protecting his head as they were mocking and kicking him.

 

“After all I’ve done, I deserve this.” _He said for himself._

“Stop it!”

 

Hope filled his heart as he heard Rose’s voice and footsteps coming near. He tried to catch his breath and closed his eyes. Last time he came in town, they were too afraid of him to do anything. But now, he was totally broken on the ground, almost begging for his life. They took every chance they had to kill him.

 

“Wanna play little girl?” _Said one of the guys, spitting on the Doctor._ “It’s called ‘kill the monster’. The whole town is playing.” _He added with a smile._

“No! Nobody is killing him!” _She quietly threw herself over him, shielding the Doctor with her body._ “He is not going to die.”

“Oh come on!”

 

It felt strange having Rose protecting him with her body against a whole town. He was tempted to tell her to let them do. But he couldn’t do such a thing because if they killed him, she would kill herself right after and he didn’t want that to happen. And if he didn’t die, they would play with her just to torture him because he wouldn’t be able to move to protect her and he couldn’t let that happen either.

 

“You wanna play that way? Doesn’t bother me.” _Said another one, grupping her arm to move her off._

 

The Doctor groaned. The look in his eyes was very clear about the game he wanted to play with her. Rose grunted weakly, clinging onto the Doctor tighter.

 

“Leave us alone!”

 

The Doctor really didn’t like the way they were looking at Rose. He passed his right arm around her waist and held her tight. He wouldn’t let them touch her in any way. He grabbed the leg of the closest guy with his left hand.

 

“Don’t you dare touching her!”

“And what are you gonna do monster?” _Replied the guy kicking him in the face._

“Please!” _She whimpered, clinging onto the Doctor tighter._

 

The Doctor was tired of being treated that way. No matter how broken his body was, he forced himself to get up, still holding Rose. One of the guys pulled out a knife but the Doctor was faster than him. He caught his hand, broke it and took the knife. They were all so sure they could beat him but he proved them he could keep them away from Rose with just one hand. He could not get rid of them though. He was starting to be really tired. Rose took the knife from him, unable to help her sudden wage to hurt everyone in front of her. The Doctor looked at her, surprised by her move and worried about what she was about to do. He was in a very bad state. His body was slowly giving up on him. He needed rest, calm and his very own doctor.

 

“Don’t do anything stupid.” _He said to her under his breath._

 

Rose attacked anyone who got too close to them, unable to think about anything but keeping them away. The Doctor didn’t want her to do something she would regret all her life. He had to protect his pure Rose. He tried to get the knife back. The guys were around them like a wolf pack around its prey.

 

“Let me take care of them.”

 

He knew he clearly wasn’t able to but couldn’t let her do that. He couldn’t let her hurt someone. She would regret it afterwards. He didn’t want her to become just like him, to become a monster with blood on her hands.

 

“I can do it just fine.”

 

She growled and hit one of the guys in the shoulder and another one in his side. They both cried out in pain and started to step backwards. They started to realise she was not kidding and that she really wanted to protect him. Rose had to keep him safe from the real monsters and that’s why she was acting that way. She’d never been so violent before. She’d never been so eager to protect someone she loved either.

 

“Don’t. Please. Don’t become like me. Give me that knife.”

“They’re going to kill us!” _She scowled, violently attacking a few more before they definitely backed away._

“They want ME dead! Not you!” _He said, afraid of what he had done to her._

“Let’s go.”

 

Rose pulled him up. He had no choice but to follow her. His leg was hurting so much he was limping badly. If she hadn’t been there, he would have collapsed on the ground. Rose took him home, holding him all the time so he wouldn’t fall. As if they felt it, Jones and two other women came to help them. The Doctor wasn’t doing much effort to walk. He was about to pass out.

 

“Seems like even the monsters have their limits.” _He said weakly._

“It’ll be okay.” _She replied weakly, stepping back as the women were helping him._

“I’m more worried about you.” _He told her as he remembered the blood on her hands and what she had done to protect him._

“I’m fine.” _She quietly said to him._

“I’m not.” _He admitted, finally letting go._

 

Rose swallowed thickly. She saw him passing out and started to panic. She was terrifying at the idea of losing him. She couldn’t lose him. Not now.

 

“He’s gonna be fine. Trust me. He had seen worse with his father.” _Said one of the women to reassure her._

“I need him.” _She replied, smiling sadly._

“And he obviously needs you too. I’ve never seen him act that way. His father had forced me to save him when he was younger. The poor boy just wanted to end his pain.” _She explained as they laid the Doctor down in his bed._ “Go take a shower and have some rest. You need it.”

 

Rose nodded weakly and closed her eyes. She left the Doctor’s room and went to hers. She sat down on her bed and stayed on her own. She was trembling and her panic was still there. She didn’t manage to calm herself down. She wanted to be with him but she couldn’t right now because the women needed time to fix him. She didn’t move, didn’t rest nor take a shower. She just stayed there, waiting for them to tell her she could see him.

The Doctor spent the next few hours in the dark while three of his women were taking care of him. When they were done, he was almost a brand new man. However, in the darkness of his mind, he knew he was missing something. Someone. His mind kept on reminding him how brave Rose had been to protect him. His pure and innocent little girl had become a brave and dangerous woman to keep him safe from his enemies and he was afraid of what he had done to her. He knew she could not be fine after a day like that. He was suddenly restless. A whisper escaped from his lips.

 

“Rose.”

 

Rose went to his library and sat there, trying to forget the horrible thing she’d done. She had almost killed to protect him and the blood on her hands was reminding her of the men she had hurt. In the meanwhile, the Doctor’s body was unconsciously looking for her. He could feel her anxiety but couldn’t explain how it was possible.

 

“Rose.” _He called out again in his sleep._

 

Rose burst into tears and curled up. How could she have done something like that? How could have she become so violent? Did she end up becoming like him? Did his darkness contamine her? She shut her eyes and mentally told herself she had screwed up. She was trembling and didn’t know what was going on in the Doctor’s mind. She had enough to do with hers at the moment. Jones, the Doctor’s personal doctor, kinda knew. She was watching over him. She noticed how agitated he was. It was unusual. She frowned deeply as he kept calling a name. Her name.

 

“Sir?”

 

His master had never been in such a state. She could see how much he had endured in the last few days. He had broken his hand to force Rose to go away – something he had never done before, letting a girl go – and suddenly she brought him back home with two bullets in his body and bruises and cuts all over his skin. What had she done to him? No one ever managed to get power on him before.

 

“Sir?”

 

Jones could have ran away but she didn’t. She was getting a bit jealous as the Doctor kept calling Rose’s name. His face showed he was worried to death.

 

“She’ll be back soon, sir. We told her to get some rest.”

 

However, the Doctor knew. He knew Rose hadn’t listened to them and was somewhere in the house, torturing herself with thoughts of what had happened earlier. And he wanted her to be there. He wanted to hold her against him and to comfort her, to tell her she’d be fine. He didn’t know she was stumbling from the library to his room. He didn’t know she immediately rushed to his side soon as she came into the room.

 

“Ma’am!” _Exclaimed Jones, forgetting Rose was one of them._

 

As soon as the Doctor felt Rose by his side, he felt the need to hold her in his arms, to feel her head on his burning chest. He called her name once again. Rose raced forward and held him gently.

 

“I love you.”

 

His arms automatically wrapped themselves around her waist to pull her close to him. The fear that was marking his face disappeared and was replaced by a simple concern.

 

“My beautiful Rose.” _He whispered._

“Shh. It’s okay.”

 

Rose snuggled peacefully into his arms. Having her in his embrace reassured him and he could finally rest. He was safe there in his house. Rose kissed his cheek and smiled a bit wiping her tears away. The Doctor slept so deeply nothing would have been able to wake him, except someone taking his Rose away from him but he was holding her too tight in his arms. At the thought though, his body strengthened his embrace. He placed his head in the crook of her neck as if he had always done that. Rose held him protectively, whispering soothingly. Jones ended up leaving, knowing that Rose would call her if the Doctor needed anything.

The Doctor woke up the next day, fully relaxed and very hungry. He smiled when he found himself holding Rose against him, his head in her shoulder. She had fallen fast asleep burrowed into him when she joined him in the bed. All those emotions had left her exhausted, the Doctor knew it. He softly kissed her shoulder, no wanting to wake her up or to move though he was starving. He frowned deeply when he saw the dry blood on her hands. She hadn’t left his side, not even to take a shower or to wash her hands. Rose nuzzled him gently in return, her eyes slowly fluttering open.

 

“Morning.” _He simply said though he wasn’t sure it was actually morning._

“Mmf.” _She replied in greeting, smiling sleepily._

“Keep sleeping if you want to. I’m not moving.”

 

He was only half-joking. It was the first in his life that he ever joked. He would not be able to move for a while. He kissed her softly on the nose.

 

“I’m okay.” _She murmured, nuzzling him._

“Sure?”

 

The Doctor was worried about her, about what had happened, about the blood on her pale hands. Rose nodded quietly but he knew she was lying.

 

“I can’t sleep anymore.”

“Well, I can’t move out of my bed. Jones seemed to have taken care of my bandages while I was asleep. But no one brought me a breakfast.”

 

His stomach protested at that sentence. He was really hungry and frustrated because no one had thought about giving him a breakfast.

 

“I can go get something, sir.” _She said softly._

“You know, I do have a name. And people for my breakfast.”

 

Rose nodded and cuddled. She was glad he didn’t send her away to get some breakfast. She didn’t want to get away from him. Never.

 

“I like calling you sir.”

“I began calling myself ‘Doctor’ when my father left. I never wanted people to call me with my real name ever since.” _He tried to reach something that looked like a phone._ “Could you press the green button of that thing? It’s for room service.”

 

She gently moved and pressed the button. Then, curled up into him again sweetly. She was trying not to hurt him but he seemed fine since he hadn’t let her go from his arms even for one second.

 

“Thanks. I don’t think I would be able to hold on one more minute before eating something. I don’t even remember the last time I ate!”

 

Probably two days ago, before he threw her out, before he escaped from death three times for her. His face darkened while she smiled weakly and hugged him. His mood darkned more and more as the memories of the past two days fully came back to his mind. Rose curled up into him and sighed.

 

“We’ve got to talk.” _He finally said after an hesitation._

 

It would not be an easy talk but they had to have it. If they didn’t, Rose would slowly fall into the darkness or become crazy because of what she did for him and that couldn’t happen. Rose nodded shyly.

 

“Of course, sir.”

“I’m used to all that hate. Even though it’s the first time they ever tried to kill me. Don’t know how I survived to those attempts of murder. I’m a very bad guy, a monster. And I know it as well as them. But you, that was the first time you’ve been a witness of so much violence, right?”

“Mhm.” _She mumbled, nodding slowly._

“How do you feel about what happened?” _He asked softly but frankly._

“Scared.” _She admitted, curling up against him once again._ “Of myself, of them.”

“They’re not gonna change.” _He said, holding her tighter._ “And now they’ve seen me _vulnerable_ ”, _he almost spat the word out_ , “it’s gonna be even worse.” _He sighed._ “Why didn’t you let me push them away?”

“I had to protect you.” _She mumbled softly._ “They were hurting you bad.”

“I’ve seen worse than those little bastards. They’re gonna regret it anyway. That was my job to protect us, to protect you.”

 

Rose swallowed and hugged him tight. She should have known that he would try to get revenge on those people and they would suffer because the Doctor was a very proud man and that he wouldn’t let such a thing unpunished.

 

“I would have killed them all. I will kill all of them.” _He said angrily._

“No, sir. Please, don’t do it.”

“I have to. I can’t let any of them get away with what they have done to me, to you.”

“We’ll be safe there.” _She said, sniffling._

“I thought my reputation would keep me safe. That wasn’t enough. I can’t let them think they can come and break me. Now that I have you, I can’t take any risk. What if they come here?”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“It happened. Once. But my father… He did as usual.” _He said bitterly._ “My first time ever.”

 

Rose swallowed softly. The Doctor clenched his fists to forget about that awful day. No one knew for that day. No one except the people who were there. Two of them were still alive today. He tried to change the subject.

 

“I think breakfast is coming. What about washing these dirty hands to eat with me?”

“I think I’ll pass on eating this morning, sir.” _She whispered._

 

The Doctor frowned deeply. He was sure she hadn’t eaten for days either. She had to eat as much as he did. He couldn’t let her starving.

 

“You gotta eat something, Rose.”

“Later, sir.” _She promised, quietly tucking her head into the crook of his neck._ “I promise.”

“I won’t forget that promise.”

 

A maid came in and gave him a tray on which were a cup of coffee and a full plate of eggs, bacon and pancakes. Rose nodded and closed her eyes, staying silent. He ate everything that was on the tray. He didn’t talk but he was worried. Rose wasn’t fine and he didn’t know how to help her.

 

“I’m sorry.” _He simply said_. “That’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s okay.” _She replied, shrugging weakly and curled up into him when he put the tray away._

“No, it’s not okay. I can feel it’s not.”

“It’s fine, sir.” _She sighed softly._ “ I swear.”

“She said she was fine, son. Why do you care anyway?”

 

The Doctor froze. He knew that voice very well. That couldn’t happen. That couldn’t be true. Not now. Rose bit her lip and nuzzled him, unaware of what was going on.

 

“I’ve seen the news. Couldn’t believe it. I had to see it with my own eyes. And here’s what I see: my impotent son in bed with a stupid ape. You’ve always been so weak.”

“I’m. Not. Weak.” _Said the Doctor, holding back his anger and protecting Rose from the danger by wrapping her in his arms._

 

She finally noticed something was wrong and that the Doctor was all tensed up. She preferred not looking at the other man though. She swallowed at the Doctor’s tone and curled into him weakly.

 

“Sir…”

 

The newcomer walked into the room and gave a look full of despise for Rose. The Doctor’s anger went up. No one was allowed to look at his girl that way.

 

“Get out Blondie. None of this is your business.”

“Don’t talk to her that way.” _Spat out the Doctor._

“Or what?”

 

The newcomer pressed the wound on the Doctor’s thigh with a nasty smile. The Doctor let out a small cry of pain. Rose immediately chose to attack and pointed the knife she had kept at the man. She scowled.

 

“Get out.”

 

The Doctor clenched his teeth to control the pain and put his hand on Rose’s one. Threatening his father was useless. The man was cruel. He would only laugh at her.

 

“Don’t. It’s not gonna work with him.”

“He can’t do this to us!”

“He can make me do anything.”

“Glad you didn’t forget that part of the story, son.”

“But he can’t make me.” _She replied stubbornly._

“You’ve been spared little girl? He must really love you then.”

“I don’t know what love is, remember?”

 

It was a sad statement but it was true. The Doctor never knew what love was before Rose. His father had never loved him. He had always used him for his experiments. He held Rose tighter when he noticed how bad he had hurt her with those words and how good she was to keep it for herself.

 

“He just couldn’t do it. I fough too much.”

“I have something for you. Get up.” _Said the Doctor’s father._ “And you better go back to your quarters, _he added to Rose_. He had been good enough to save your life. He should have let you die like the trash you are.”

“He’s not going anywhere with you.”

 

Rose was right. He couldn’t go anywhere. His leg was hurting a lot now and he really couldn’t walk. Nevertheless, he knew that if he didn’t obey that would be worse. For him and for Rose.

 

“You seem to be a clever girl. And clever girls just shut up.”

“No! No, you shut up and you get out of that house. I don’t want to do anything for you anymore, _father_.”

 

The Doctor was absolutely mad. He was tired of being treated like shit by that man. A man that had abandoned him there after he had done all possible experiments on his brain. Rose hugged him closer. She wouldn’t let him go anywhere.

 

“We stay together. That’s how it works now.”

“That girl loves you. No doubt there. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hurt her.”

 

There was a threat in his words and the Doctor knew exactly what he was talking about. He looked hurt. He had to obey. He slowly tried to get up from his bed but Rose pushed him back down. She swallowed.

 

“Lie down. Please.”

 

The Doctor avoided her look. He didn’t want her to see how hurt he was. He had no choice. He had to obey him or he would force him to. And the Doctor would have no control on what was going to happen if he didn’t do what his father ask.

 

“Rose, I never managed to disable his chip. If I don’t obey…”

 

He swallowed and didn’t end his sentence. His father had truly decided to ruin his life until the very end. Rose whimpered. She didn’t want his father to hurt her beloved Doctor.

 

“You’re not well.”

 

She was right, once again. He could barely sit up without a small groan of pain. Every move was painful. Thanks God, he didn’t get shot every day!

 

“It’s gonna take ages.”

 

The Doctor’s father got fed up. He pushed Rose away and grabbed his son’s arm. He forced him to get up, not caring a bit for his pain. Rose growled in anger. She lunged to attack the man but he only laughed at her attempt. The Doctor was terrified, a feeling he hadn’t felt in ages. He had become the little boy afraid of his father again. The latter pulled out something that looked like a phone but wasn’t one. The Doctor swallowed.

 

“No”, _he weakly said_ , “No. Please, father.” _He begged._

 

The father ignored his son while Rose was still trying to attack him. She was desperate to free her beloved Doctor from thay dangerous man.

 

“Do you know what this is?” _He asked Rose, trying to keep the knife and the girl away from him._

“Please, don’t.” _Kept begging the Doctor._

 

Rose shook her head weakly. No matter how hard he was pushing her away, she was trying to attack him again and again. He would not hurt the Doctor.

 

“My son had the honor to be my first Guina pig.” _He said as the Doctor weakly struggled against his grip._ “I suppose he didn’t tell you he had that little chip too. Actually, he had two. I put the second one straight in his brain. And this” _he showed the fake phone_ “is a remote. If I push that red button, he’ll do anything I’ll ask him to. Even killing you.”

“He would never kill me.” _She growled._

“Wanna bet on your life?”

 

The father quickly kicked his son in the leg to force him to stop struggling. The Doctor was in pain and torn, about to break down, but he stopped immediately.

 

“He won’t do it.”

“Well. Let’s see.”

 

The Doctor looked at his father pressing the red button with horror. He felt the normal buzzing of the chip as the order was given to his brain and body. An order to kill. He looked at Rose and silently told her that he was sorry and that she should run away. Then, his mind was totally full with the order. Nothing else mattered. He had to kill now. His face and look changed, darknened. His father let him go and the Doctor went straight to Rose. She swallowed and stumbled backwards.

 

“No… Sir, I’m begging you.”

 

The Doctor raised his hand and slowly stroked her face and neck. He didn’t hear her. He wasn’t even watching her. It was as if she was nothing more than just a stranger. No, a prey. A prey he had to kill. Rose whimpered sadly but did nothing against him. She was just watching him and begging him.

 

“Please, don’t kill me.”

 

His broken hand reached for the knife she was still holding. His left hand slowly caught her throat. There was no compassion in his eyes. However, something in his mind was telling him it was wrong, that he shouldn’t do that. He put the knife she was holding on her throat, right where he could feel her blood rushing. Rose swallowed thickly.

 

“Kiss me while you do it.” _She whispered._ “I’ll die easier that way.”

 

The words seemed to hit something inside of him but he showed no reaction. He just smirked and slowly kissed her as if no one was watching. While kissing her with passion, he led the knife against his own throat. She kissed him back desperatly, shakily trying to make him lower the knife. The kiss broke something deep inside and made him doubt about the order. His mind was struggling against the paradox. He was trying to resist and that was asking a lot of efforts. He was shaking, but the knife never left his throat. _“If you die, I die too. That’s how it works.” “As soon as your heart stops beating, I jump over that ledge.”_ The confusion filled his mind. What was he supposed to do?

 

“Please, drop the knife.” _She whispered against his lips._ “Please, sir.”

 

_“I love you.”_ And she trusted him. Images of her desperate to get his attention, begging him to keep her close to him, to stay alive, of her protecting him crossed his mind. Her proving him how much she loved and trusted him. He couldn’t do such a thing. He lowered the knife. Rose smiled happily, relieved, and hugged him. He was still struggling and it became harder for him. His head was about to explode and his nose was bleeding.

 

“Please.” _He begged with a very low voice._ “I can’t… Anymore.. Do it… Or let me do it.”

 

The Doctor pressed the knife against his heart. Tears were falling down his cheeks. He wouldn’t be able to resist much longer. Rose shook her head weakly.

 

“Together or not at all. That’s my deal, remember?”

“Free me.” _He simply begged._

The Doctor had reached his limits. Rose kissed him again and he kissed her back. He lost the control again, the knife still against his heart, his father still waiting for him to kill Rose, but he would rather die than hurt her. He now knew what love was. And he loved her, madly, deeply. Rose pulled him close and tried to push the knife away. Tired of waiting, the father grabbed his son and pushed him away.

 

“You used to be faster. I’ll do it myself.”

 

The move made the Doctor go mad. He held the knife tighter as the anger increased. That man was responsible for all the bad things that had happened to him. He had to pay. The Doctor was trembling and, too suddenly for him to realise, he stabbed his father.

 

“You don’t touch her.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She ran away and he loved her. Running after her led him to his tragic destiny.

Rose screamed. She didn’t understand what was happening anymore. The Doctor had been struggling very hard against the order and she could see the damages it was doing to him. And suddenly, he just stabbed his father. He hadn’t even hesitated.

 

“First your mother, now your father. Well done, son!”

“FREE ME!” _Yelled the Doctor, stabbing him once again._

“You’ll never be free, son.” _The father laughed._ “Never.”

 

The Doctor was blinded with rage. He threw the knife away and punched his father again and again, still yelling, still asking to be freed. Rose slumpled in the middle of the floor, flooded by tears. The Doctor didn’t stop. His father was still smiling and laughing. His son’s rage amused him.

 

“You’ve always been so weak. Even now asking for liberty.”

 

Rose eventually got up and ran out. She was unable to face the men and their violence any longer. The Doctor’s father was already dead by the time the women of his house forced him to step back. He was covered with blood, his body was painful and he was out of breath. The chip was still buzzing in his head. He picked up the remote and cancelled the order. Then, he smashed it against the wall. Rose wasn’t there anymore and he couldn’t run after her. He just stood still there, the mind totally empty. He looked at the dead body of his father. He had no regrets but his last words were torturing him. He would never be free. He was just a monster. And Rose ran away. She got scared of him and just ran away. He collapsed to the ground, the eyes wide open. He curled up, suddenly feeling empty. He had no one left. He had killed his father. Rose left. He was alone, on his own. He was quite frightened.

 

“I love you.” _He whispered to the emptiness she had left in him._

 

Rose found herself back at the train station. She was not entirely sure what had brought her there. She sat down on the edge in silence, trying to think clearly. She suddenly got up and walked away. She crossed the streets without looking. All of a sudden, she was on the pavement, in pain but not dying. She whimpered in pain as someone nervously dialled the police in the background. She couldn’ hear a thing. A few minutes later, she was helped into an ambulance. She was blankly staring up at the sky.

The Doctor felt his heart breaking inside his chest and knew something had happened to his precious Rose. He got up, forgetting his pain and his emptiness to run in the streets. He limped to the train station but she wasn’t there. He felt relieved that she didn’ jump in front of a train. People were talking about an accident. He asked for the location and rushed there. What he saw finished him off. He caught the driver, threatening him to know what had happened. The driver got scared of his anger and because he had blood all over him.

 

“You’re only alive because I have to find her.”

 

The Doctor jumped onto a taxi and asked to be brought to the nearest hospital. When he caught there, he ran through the casualty service, desperatly looking for her, pushing away everyone who whould try to stop him.

 

“Rose!” _He called out._

 

Rose was lain down in a hospital bed as they assessed her wounds and things. She shifted in and out of consciousness, weakly lying in that bed.

 

“I’m looking for a blonde girl who got admitted here after a car accident. Her name’s Rose Tyler and she belongs with me.” _He said, not even tryong to hide the fear and love in his voice._

 

The medical personnel pointed him to Rose’s hospital room. He thanked them and went straight to the room she was in. He swallowed. There were too many doctors in there. Rose got worked on for another hour before they were finally done. When they finally left the room, he got to her side and took her hand in his. She looked so small, so vulnerable. It was his fault if she was there. He kissed her hand, stroked her face and softly kissed her lips.

 

“I’m sorry.” _He murmured, the voice full of sadness._ “I’m so sorry. Come back to me. Please.”

 

Rose looked up at him weakly. A faint smile crossed his lips. She couldn’t speak but she made it clear she was happy to see him. He knew he was looking terrible but didn’t care. All that mattered was he had found her.

 

“I didn’t want… I’m sorry. I tried to resist.”

 

The Doctor couldn’t think of what would have happened if he had obeyed. He kissed her desperatly. Rose kissed him back sweetly before sinking back against the pillow again.

 

“I love you.” _She coughed._

“I…” _He started. It had been easy to say it when she was gone but now, looking in her brown eyes, he couldn’t find the words._ “I love you.” _He finally whispered._

 

Rose smiled sadly, her heart pounding happily against her ribcage. She winced in pain and shut her eyes again. She was in between rests. The Doctor softly kissed her hand.

 

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying with you.”

 

She nodded slowly and gripped his hand tight. She was in pain but she was happy to know he was there and glad to hear he would not leave her alone in that hospital.

 

“Nothing can come between us anymore. Nothing at all.”

 

Not even the demons tearing him apart since his father had controlled him. He cupped her cheek with his hand. Rose curled up shyly in his touch.

 

“You’re still sure to want someone like me? After all you’ve seen?” _He asked worriedly._

 

The Doctor was clearly afraid of her answer. What if she wanted him to leave after all of that? He would die, because he loved her. He was sure now. He loved her. And losing her would kill him. He sighed in relief when Rose nodded.

 

“I… I’m sure.”

 

He was still worried though. About what he had done. About what he had been about to do. He would do anything to protect her. That’s why he had almost killed himself instead of killing her like his father had ordered him.

 

“You must have been so terrified. I was too.”

“I knew you would not hurt me in the end.”

“He could have made me do anything but… The kiss. Your voice. I remembered you saying that it was together or not at all. I knew he would not have stopped me. That’s why I tried to kill myself. I would have rather died than hurting you.”

“You would’ve only killed me too in the end.”

 

Rose smiled sadly and looked down at her injuries. He followed her look and swallowed. That was his fault. He did that to her. Because she had ran away from him, from his violence, she got hit by a car.

 

“I could have been a better man. I just chose the wrong path after my father…”

 

The Doctor swallowed thickly at the word and tears filled his eyes. It was too painful to think about his past, to think about what his father had forced him to do.

 

“I like your darkness.” _She reached to touch his face._ “I submit myself to it completely.”

 

The Doctor remained silent and enjoyed the soft touch of her hand on his hairy face. He was a total mess. He exhaled shakily and almost closed his eyes. He wanted to sleep. He had a terrible headache.

 

“It gives me a reason to live.” _She mumbled softly._

 

The words were really surprising. How a pure girl like Rose could like a dark man like him? How could she admit that he was the reason she was alive? He took her hand, softly kissed it, but didn’t say anything. That was useless. Rose giggled shyly, trying to get up. He put a hand on her upper chest and gently pushed her back down.

 

“I didn’t even ask you how you feel, if everything was alright. What did the doctors said to you?”

“I have three broken ribs. But I’m fine.”

 

Three broken ribs. That was a very painful diagnosis. She also had a few bruises. She was in pain and that was his fault. That was all he could think about. His headache wasn’t helping.

 

“I don’t trust that hospital.” _Especially after what had happened to him_ “Jones and I would do a better job.”

 

He let go of her hand gently and closed his eyes. He rubbed his temples, hoping it would make the headache go away. He never had such a terrible pain in his head. His nose was still bleeding.

 

“You can take me home.” _She whispered._

“Gotta sign their paperwork and catch a taxi then.”

 

Rose nodded sleepily. The Doctor kissed her forehead and got up. He limped to the door and caught a nurse. He asked for the papers and for a taxi. She looked worried for him because he was in a pretty bad state but she wasn’t afraid. She’d do what he asked. The Doctor thanked her and got back to Rose’s side. She had slipped into unconsciousness, too tired to think. He watched her as she slept. He signed the papers when the nurse brought it to him but refused her help, though his headache was getting worse. Rose was sleeping poorly, shaking from her nightmare. The Doctor frowned deeply when he saw how bad was her sleep was but couldn’t decide whether to wake her or not. He simply took her hand and stroked her face.

 

“Shh. That’s okay. I’m here.” _He whispered, not sure if that would help her._

 

It did. As soon as she felt his hand in hers, as soon as she felt him stroking her cheek, she curled up into his touch. As long as he’d be next to her, she’d be safe. She knew it.

 

“Thanks God, the both of you are fine.” _Said the voice of Jones_

“Jones?” _Replied the Doctor, looking up at her._

“Someone called me to tell me you were here.”

“I won’t say we’re fine though.”

 

The agitation around her woke Rose up. She didn’t move and looked around a bit worried. She calmed down when she saw the Doctor was still there and that it was only Jones.

 

“Your driver is waiting for us. I’m pretty sure you don’t want them to look after her. Or after you.”

“Mm…” _Whispered Rose._

“You’re right. Ready to go sweetheart?”

 

Rose nodded but cuddled against him. She wouldn’t be able to get up on her own. Let alone to walk to the car. She would need some help and the Doctor clearly couldn’t carry her.

 

“I unfortunaly can’t carry you. You’ll have to walk, is that okay?” _She shook her head quietly._ “Do you want me to call my driver?”

 

The Doctor noticed she was still struggling against the sleep that was calling her. He called his driver and they all went to the car. He took Jones apart. He had to talk to her.

 

“What about the body?”

“In the basement.”

“Fine.” _He nodded._ “I have some exams to do.”

 

Rose shut her eyes, sniffling. She didn’t like being carried by someone else than her Doctor. Plus, the pain was slowly overwhelming her.

 

“Are you fine, sir?”

“No. Something’s wrong and I need to be sure of what it is.”

“Sir?” _Rose whimpered._

 

The Doctor indicated to Jones that he would talk to her about it later and quickly got to Rose’s side, worried about the little tone she had. She was in pain, it was obvious. She was dealing with it pretty badly.

 

“I’m here. Don’t worry. We’re going home.”

“Sir, I don’t think I can keep going.”

“What do you mean?” _He asked, his heart stopping at her words._

“It hurts.” _She whimpered sadly._

“Hey you!” _He said to a nurse._ “Give her some painkillers. I don’t want her to be in pain.”

“I don’t…” _Whimpered Rose once again._ “I don’t trust them.”

 

He knew that was because of what had happened to him in the same hospital. He almost stayed stuck in that hospital because of a nurse who wanted a revenge on him. He pushed the idea away.

 

“Me neither. I probably have something in the car. And I have everything you will need at home. I will take care of you. But you have to be strong, just a little bit longer.”

 

Rose nodded slowly, still shaking. They quickly went to the parking and got into the big car. The Doctor immediately looked for some painkillers. When he found them, he gave some to Rose with water. She took them quickly and curled up against him. He held her against him carefully as they were driven home. His headache was throbbing. That made him dizzy but he didn’t say anything. His priority was Rose. She slowly dozed off. He stroked her face. An old song came to his mind and he began humming it. She curled up into a ball, sniffling. She was still in pain but wanted to make herself as little as possible and stay against him. As soon as they got home, he gave the order to get Rose to her room and to have someone watching over her. She had fallen into a deep sleep distracted by memories.

As Rose was sleeping, the Doctor took a long and hot shower to get rid of the blood and the pain of his muscles. He pulled clean clothes on and went straight from his bathroom to his basement. His father had brought in the persons responsible for his condition and had locked them down. He ignored them and went to his lab. Jones was already there, waiting for him.

 

“Let’s do this now.” _He said._

 

The Doctor laid down and closed his eyes as Jones put sensors on his forehead. He ler her do her job. For the next sixty minutes, she did exams on him. In the meanwhile, Rose was still sleeping deeply but was fighting to wake up and to go to him. When Jones came back, the Doctor immediately knew something was wrong. His headache was killing him.

 

“Tell me. I’m ready to hear it.”

 

Jones explained to him that the chip had badly harmed his brain when he resisted to the order and that nothing was possible for it. His brain would slowly degenerate. His father was right. He would never be free. He knew what would happen if he fought his order. He had planned all of that. That had just been a game and now he would slowly sink into madness.

 

“Don’t tell anything to Rose. Please.”

 

He wiped away the blood that was flowing from his nose again. He now knew it was a consequence of his degenerating brain. He got up slowly and took a gun he kept locked in a drawer. He killed his prisoners one by one.

 

“I have nothing left to lose anymore. Burn them. And my father.”

“Sir, you only have a few weeks before…”

“When I would have forgotten who you are, who she is and who I am, just kill me.”

 

Jones nodded. Nothing she could say would make him change his mind. She swallowed and promised she would do it. The Doctor thanked her and went to Rose’s room as she was slowly waking up. He gently put a hand on her shoulder when she tried to get up and forced her to stay in bed.

 

“You don’t move. Tell me what you need.”

“I need to get up.” _She winced and looked at him._ “I’m f-fine…”

 

He helped her to sit up but still refused to let her leave the bed. She still needed a lot of rest and she had to stay still as much as possible so her ribs could heal properly.

 

“You can’t lie to a doctor.”

“S-sir, please.” _She whimpered gripping her side gingerly._

“It still hurts?”

 

Rose was obviously in pain. The painkillers he gave her earlier weren’t effective anymore. He had to grab a couple more.

 

“Don’t move. I’m gonna get painkillers.”

“No. I’m fine…”

 

He knew she was lying to him but chose to believe her. It was useless to insist. He sat next to her and she immediately curled into his arms.

 

“I love you.”

“I didn’t know what love was before you came into my life.” _He smiled sadly and hugged her._ “Thank you.”

 

Rose kissed his head and smiled weakly. The Doctor closed his eyes. Having her right next to him was his new definition of happiness. Too bad he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it for a long time.

 

“I love you too.” _He whispered sleepily._

 

Rose burrowed her face into his chest and breathed his scent in. She sighed adoringly. He would never realise how much she really loved him.

 

“You’re never gonna leave me, right?”

 

That would be a cold comfort but he needed to know if she would be there until his end, if she would be there when Jones would end his life. Rose nuzzled him gently.

 

“Never.”

“I’m sorry.” _He whispered with a sad smile before falling asleep._

 

Rise quietly cuddled. He slept so deeply that nothing could have woken him up. Somehow in the darkness of his sleep, he felt like it wasn’t a good thing for him to sleep so deeply. What if he never woke up? The situation was terrifying him but he had to keep it all for himself.

 

“Forgive me.” _He whispered in his sleep._

 

Soon he would finally be free. When he woke up, he felt confused about his location. His headache was still there but it was getting better. He looked around him and frowned when he saw Rose Tyler in his arms. What the hell was he doing in her room? Why in the world was he holding her? Rose clutched onto him desperatly, somewhere in between sleep and awake. The Doctor rubbed his eyes. The confusion slowly faded away as he remembered the last few days. That brain injury would definitely drive him crazy. He didn’t want to forget about his Rose. He needed to hold onto her.

 

“Sleep well sweetheart. No one’s gonna hurt you there.”

“My love?” _She called, looking sleepily at him._

“I’m here.” _He kissed her nose softly._

“I-I am afraid.” _She said clinging onto him._

“What are you afraid of, honey?”

“I don’t know…” _She sniffled._

“That’s annoying not knowing what you’re afraid of.”

 

Now that he was awake, his only fear was to fall into a coma while sleeping, but his greatest fear was to lose her. Rose nodded weakly and hugged him.

 

“You’re lucky. I can protect you from everything in this world.” _Except from losing him._ “You’re the best thing I ever had in my life.”

 

Rose smiled sadly still clinging onto him. The Doctor kissed her lips softly and she kissed him back. He really had to enjoy those little moments before it was too late.

 

A few days passed by and he was still happy to have her in his life. Though they were both badly injured, the Doctor took Rose to a lot of places, enjoying every single moment with her. The best moments of his whole life. Rose hugged his arm, smiling softly.

 

“Sir?”

“Yeah?”

 

The Doctor wondered why she had never asked about him suddenly wanting to travel almost all around the world, how it had been possible that she didn’t notice his memory issues, his moments of confusion, his regular headaches. Jones had said he had a few weeks but he thought that would be sooner. Rose giggled softly.

 

“I love you.”

“Let me think… Hum…” _He said playfully._ “Looks like I love you too.”

 

He kissed her and she kissed him back. They were both in love, deeply, madly. Nothing would be able to get between them, except for his very soon death.

 

“We’ve got a lot more to see.”

 

He told her that with a grin. He was alwys grinning at her because he was always happy to be around her. No one had ever seen him like that before. He tried to catch her hand but his eyesight was all blurry. Rose tangled their fingers.

 

“Nah.”

 

He felt relieved that she didn’t notice anything of what had just happened to him and pulled her close. He didn’t understand her answer.

 

“Nah? I’m not okay with that answer.”

 

He pretented to be about to kiss her but, at the very last time, he turned his head and started walking away, dragging her with him. Rose winced and backed away.

 

“And I’m not okay with you lying to me.”

“Laying with you? Oh I would love that!”

 

He gave her a smile. He had perfectly understood her words but chose to play with it. He didn’t want to tell her the truth. He couldn’t tell her the truth.

 

“That’s not what I said.”

 

Rose crossed her arms. She was angry and he could see that very clearly. It hurt him but he couldn’t tell her why he was being so strange, so close and yet so far from her.

 

“I know what you said. And I’m not lying.”

 

But he was. He truly was. And that was hurting him badly. He just didn’t want her to suffer. His father had destroyed his life from the beginning.

 

“I’m not travelling with you anymore.

“But… Weren’t we good? Travelling and all? We’re having fun, don’t we?”

 

The Doctor was distracting her by acting goofy. He didn’t want her to ask what was wrong with him. He really didn’t want her to because then, he wouldn’t be able to lie anymore.

 

“You've been lying to me and I can't handle it anymore. I can't be lied to. I'm sorry, sir.”

 

Rose turned away, unable to face him anymore. What was he hiding from her? It must be something really important, something that could be fatal to one of them.

 

“Rose!” _He called out_. "You can't go alone! It's not safe."

 

The Doctor tried to catch her but she was walking too fast for his leg which was still healing. She was clearly ignoring him and kept walking, shutting her eyes.

 

“Rose!” _He called again._

 

He didn't watch where he was walking. His eyes were stuck on her. He suddenly tripped over something and fell. He didn't even have the reflex to hold himself up and as he laid on the ground, she ran off until she found a small patch of gras where she was alone. The Doctor mumbled as people helped him to get up and asked if he was okay. Nobody knew him there. He said he was okay though he was pretty sure his head had hit the floor. He had to find Rose, that was his priority. At first, he was looking for her. He had walked in the town and called her. But as the hours passed by, his head hurt more and more and he ended up not knowing what he was doing and just wandered around. He passed right next to her and didn't even recognize her. He was all lost. He kept walking though. The night was slowly falling. He didn't know where he was, nor what he was doing. His mind was totally blank. His head hurt really hard. He sat down on the floor and took his head on his hands.

 

“Sir? Are you alright?”

 

The Doctor raised his head, confused, and looked at the man who talked to him. He didn’t know him and was a bit afraid but didn’t move.

 

“You're hurt.”

 

He let the man get close to him and examine him, not answering his questions. The man helped him to get up. The Doctor's phone fell. The man picked it up. The last call was for a certain Rose. He decided to call her. The Doctor was looking around, very confused.

 

Rose was still on her small patch of grass. She had curled her knees to her chest and ended up curling into a ball. She was trembling, wondering why he had been lying to her all along. Was he even saying the truth when he said he loved her? Maybe it was all part of a plan. She fell asleep there in the middle of nowhere. She was lost and alone. When her phone rang with his name displaying, she waited a moment before picking it up. She told him to leave her alone and hung up. The man looked at the phone, surprised by the tone.

 

“Does she know you're here?”

 

The Doctor looked at him as if he didn't understand what he was saying. The man tried to call again but Rose ignored the call. She didn’t want to talk to the Doctor. The man sighed and chose another name in the telephone book. Jones. She picked up immediately and the man explained her the situation quickly. She lost no time and told him she was coming right away.

 

“Shouldn’t he be in a hospital?”

_“I’m his doctor. I allowed him to travel. He was with someone.”_

“Rose?”

_“That’s it.”_

“Looks like they argued.”

_“I’m not even surprised.”_

 

The Doctor had wanted to keep his brain degeneration secret but he couldn’t do such a thing when he was slowly dying, when his body was slowly giving up on him. It took hours for Jones to come to pick the Doctor. She found him in a small restaurant where the man was trying to get something from him but the Doctor had desperatly remained silent and lost. Jones quickly took a look at him. He didn’t recognize her. She noticed the head injury that had been quickly stitched. That fall had shortened his lifetime. Jones swallowed. She would wait a bit but if nothing changed she would have to keep her word and kill him. She had to find Rose.

 

“Thanks for taking care of him. I’m bringing him home.”

 

She took the Doctor with her. He put no resistance up. Jones asked around if someone had seen Rose. Most of them didn’t. It was a jogger who told her he had seen a blonde girl sleeping not far and who led them. Jones shook her lightly. When Rose woke up, she looked around to see where she was. She was cold. When she noticed it was Jones who woke her up and that she was with the Doctor, her face darkened. She didn’t want to see him.

 

“If he called you for any chance of forgiveness, he can go and screw himself.”

“He didn’t. We’re going home. Now.”

 

Rose was about to protest but Jones didn’t let her the choice. She promised her to tell her what the Doctor had been hiding from her but she couldn’t do it there. They had to go back to the estate first. Rose ended up accepting and started growing worried for the Doctor. He seemed disconnected. But she refused to talk to him since he didn’t even take a look at her. Soon she’d know what he had been hiding from her. He wouldn’t be able to lie anymore. She picked up their stuffs in the hotel room and the three of them went to the airport. The trip took another few hours and they were all pretty tired by the time they got back to the estate. The Doctor was even sleeping. Jones brought him straight to his lab with some help and laid him down on the operation table. She placed sensors on his forehead. She had to be sure before she actually kill him off.

 

“So what’s going on with him?”

 

Rose wouldn’t wait any longer. The Doctor had been acting too strangely and Jones was acting the same. She sadly looked at Rose.

 

“It’s a long story.”

“Oh, he told you his secret, didn’t he? He’s playing around, heh? None of what he said was actually true? He tricked me, didn’t he?”

“Rose, it’s better if you sit down.”

“The both of you are together, that’s it? That would explain a lot of things.”

“No. I couldn’t get his attention like you did. I submitted myself to him but he never noticed my feelings. I’ve never been able to fight for him like you did.”

“What does that mean?”

“He changed a lot after he made you his. That was intriguing. A lot of women here wondered what was happening. Some were jealous of the power you had on him.”

“I didn’t…”

“Yes, you did. You just don’t realise it. I think he hadn’t realised it either until he almost died for you.”

“What are you saying?”

“After he killed his father – for you – he asked me to do some exams on him. As you know, his father had put two chips into him. He had one in the wrist and the other one was in his brain. No one has been able to remove it. It’s was okay as long as his father wasn’t around. But when he came back and ordered him to kill you, the Doctor resisted. You’ve seen it by yourself. Before the Doctor wasn’t able to resist but for you…”

“Go straight to the point.”

“The chip has badly damaged his brain when he resisted. That was irreversible. When I told him, he had only a few weeks before…”

 

Jones didn’t end her sentence. It was to hard to look at Rose and to tell her the truth. Rose was listening quietly though. She really wanted to know what was going on with her Doctor. Jones’ words were slowly getting to her and each one was of them was a torture. Rose knew what that meant but she didn’t want to accept it.

 

“He is dying. And he didn’t want to tell me. He didn’t want to worry me.”

“That’s it.”

 

Saying it out loud was hurting even more than just thinking it. That couldn’t be. She couldn’t lose him now after all they’ve been through. He had to stay alive. They had to save him.

 

“I’ve seen the symptoms. I’ve seen him struggling against whatever is going on in his brain. I just assumed it was all part of a stupid game. I assumed it was just his wounds that made him suffer.”

“It wasn’t.”

“You’ve got to save him.”

“I can’t.”

 

And it was the most difficult part of it all. She couldn’t save him. There was nothing to do. Rose looked at the Doctor and tears flowed on her cheeks.

 

“He had a few weeks before… Before the end. But he hit his head pretty badly. I think it sped the things up. He didn’t recognize me. He didn’t know who he is anymore.”

“So it’s over?”

“When I told him the diagnosis, he asked me to kill him when it’d happen.”

“Kill the both of us.”

“He told me you would say such a thing.”

 

Jones went to a desk, unlocked a drawer and pulled out a letter and a small box. She closed the drawer again and gave the items to Rose. She took them with a shaking hand. She didn’t know what to expect now.

 

“He had disabled all the chips before you left and travelled around the world. Some of us promised to stay. Some others left. The Doctor had never been a real bad man. He had treated us right. He was only mean from time to time but he never was mean because he wanted to.”

“What is it?”

“When I promised him to stay after he disabled my chip, he gave me these and told me to give it to you when… When the moment would come.”

 

Rose looked at her, tears still flooding on her cheeks. Her hands were trembling more than ever. She wiped away her tears and opened the letter, afraid of what she was gonna find in it. The answers to her questions obviously.

 

_“Rose, if you’re reading this letter, it means it already too late for me. I know it must have been hard for you to watch me lie to you everyday about what was going on with me but I just couldn’t tell you. That was too hard. I didn’t want you to worry about me. I just wanted to spend every single moment of the few weeks I had left with you. I just wanted to enjoy every single moment we had together. I’m sorry, Rose. I wish I could have lived longer. Because I would have become a man worth the love you were giving me._

_I love you my dear Rose, my adorable pink and yellow girl, and I’m sorry for hiding this from you. My father was right when he said I’d never be free. He had planned it all. His little chip had ruined my brain, shortened my life. And I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, because I really wanted to be with you forever. You’ve started to make me a better man and I’ll keep the little moments we had together in my heart instead of keeping it in my memory. I wanted to protect you from that terrible truth._

_Jones probably already told you that I asked her to kill me when I wouldn’t be able to recognise any of you. And I know you’re gonna protest. I know you’re gonna ask her to save me but that’s impossible. That’s not reversible. I’m meant to die. And I don’t want you to see me that way. I don’t want you to suffer with the loss of the man you love. That’s why I asked her to kill me before it becomes too hard to handle. You’re gonna cry. You’re gonna yell at me. But that’s not gonna change a thing._

_I also told her that soon as you’d know the truth you would ask her to kill you too and that it was useless to try to convince you to stay alive. I gave that letter to her with the little box. You’ll find a wedding ring in it. If I had lived longer, I definitely would have married you. But since I’m dying… I wanted you to know the truth before she killed me. I don’t want you to have an awful death. I don’t want you to kill yourself brutally. So, we’re slowly gonna die together. Everything is already planned. Together or not at all._

_Put the wedding ring on your finger, Rose Tyler, and meet me on the other side. We’ll be able to live and love each others forever in the afterlife._

_I love you._

_And I’m sorry._

_Your Doctor.”_

 

Rose was crying for good now. She opened the box and found a wedding ring in it, just like he had written to her. She put it at her finger and smiled through the tears. She pressed the Doctor’s letter to her heart and sobbed even more. He loved her. He had just wanted to protect her and knew it was useless to ask her to stay alive after he died so he planned their deaths. She went to his unconscious body and kissed him, apologised, told him how sorry she was, how much she loved him. She laid down next to him and stroked his face. Jones came to them. She was crying silently. She cleared her throat.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

Rose nodded. She was more than ready. If the Doctor had to die, she’d die with him. _Together or not at all._ She was still holding his letter. She placed her head on his chest and listened to his quiet heartbeats. Jones pulled out two syringes from a medical kit.

 

“You won’t suffer at all. It would be just as if you were falling asleep.”

 

She swallowed and did the injections. Rose closed her eyes as she felt the fluid going through her veins. She could feel her heart slowing down and hear the Doctor’s heart do the same. They were both slowly dying and that was just like Jones said. Their bodies numbed slowly until their brain and heart stopped working. Rose had a small smile before the end came and she finally fell into an eternal sleep with the man she loved, holding his hand as tightly as she could. They would be together forever from now on and nothing was gonna pull them apart anymore…


End file.
